The day I threw all my artwork in the trash.

Today I wanted to share an email with you that I sent the day I left New Zealand to move back to the States.

The recipient was my amazing coach — Steph Jagger — who has been an incredible guiding light over the past few months.

Read on for an excerpt of the email.

---

HELLO!

I had to send you an email today because something so cool and mysteriously magical happened this morning.

Before we spoke yesterday, I sat down with all of the artwork I've made here in NZ and decided to let it go. I threw it all in the trash. With love, of course. I felt so grateful to have made it. Each piece taught me something. But I knew it was time to let it go.

(That, and I just didn't have room for it all in my bag.)

I released all expectations of my art right there. I really feel like the past few months have been leading up to that moment of surrender.

Then we had our call, and those words "Maybe you are an artist, not a designer" struck me right in the gut. I knew it was true immediately.

But still, I had this overwhelming peace after we chatted, "Just let it be", and decided to relax into this uncertainty and just trust. I would make art again.

I removed all art pieces from my web shop, but forgot to take them down from Etsy. Welllll, today I woke up and had sold my first "real" piece of art. (I sold one other piece before to a friend. Still counts, but this one was a complete stranger and it felt different.)

My heart dropped and leapt and I scrambled out of bed to sift through all the trash bags. I finally found the one small piece this person bought, still perfectly in tact.

I hear you, Universe. 

The pure mystery and magnitude of it makes me a bit weepy as I am about to walk out this door, where I've met so many lows and highs and breakthroughs and battles. Like this whole year was worth more than I can even comprehend right now.

Funny how the Universe shows up right when you're ready, in the most unsuspecting of ways.

[Editor's note: I much appreciated this part of Steph's response — "I love what you wrote about the Universe showing up when you're ready but really my girl, the Universe is always there...it's waiting for us to show up!" This is why she's the best.]

There's that quote by Albert Einstein: "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I feel like I'm slowly stepping back into that state of magic.

---

Surrender does not mean giving up hope, but sometimes (usually) you just need to LET. GO. You just might find that when you walk away from the door you've been knocking on for weeks, months, years.. it opens.

Or it doesn't. And that's okay too. You'll find other doors, the right doors.

That's the deal with surrender. You don't know where you'll go, but when you stop trying to force your way you'll end up right where you're supposed to be.

Here's to miracles, mystery, and magic.
And surrender.

-Amanda

Why I just stopped myself from applying for a job.

Last night I sat in bed with with my laptop and a glass of wine and browsed career openings at a big media company. I'm not quite sure why — I guess just general curiosity. That's when I stumbled upon a Junior Art Director position in Chattanooga that piqued my interest. And I thought:

Wow, this looks like the perfect position for me right now in my career.

And It would have been perfect IF I wanted...

• to step into the corporate world again and get back on track to move up the ladder.
• a nice apartment in the city.
• to enjoy office parties and happy hours with co-workers.
• to work with big brands and businesses.
• to spend the majority of each week in an office working for someone else.

All of that does sound comforting, especially in the wake of a massive van-repair bill and months of financial uncertainty. BUT. I stopped myself before entering in even one personal detail, because I came back to the clear vision I have for my life (for now, at least).

This is what I DO want...

• to have the freedom to make what I want, when I want.
• to make art every day, sometimes all day.
• to see how simple life can really be.
• to climb rocks and hike mountains and live outside as much as possible.
• to work with brands and people I truly believe in and respect.
• to travel around the country in my van with no end date in sight.

One of the most powerful questions I've ever been asked was: What do you want daily life to look like? When I start to get swept up in a potential endeavor or big life change I come back to that question and the vision.

Whatever doesn't align with my vision, I say no to. It's that simple.

Long-term vision > short-term satisfaction. (Usually.)

Choosing your long-term vision will probably require sacrifices, but hopefully what you're giving up is so worth it because you're trading it in for the experience you truly desire.

At this point in my life, I don't have any children, a spouse, a house.. so I'm okay with the uncertainty and risk of being a full-time freelance designer and artist. Sure, I have a Plan B, but I'm moving full-steam ahead with Plan A, because right now that vision pulls me in stronger than any fears may hold me back.

So ask yourself, what do you want tomorrow to look like, and what decisions can you make to get you closer to that reality?

• Do you see yourself being creative every day? Maybe get rid of your TV and set aside an hour every night for art instead.
• Do you see yourself walking to work? Maybe sell your car so you have more money to spend on rent in a central location.
• Do you see yourself designing for clients? Maybe un-enroll from that Instagram class and instead sign up for a Photoshop training.

Life is a series of decisions. Every decision has pros and cons. You just have to step back and figure out which align with your true vision, and which are just shiny, fleeting short-term satisfactions.

Stay awake. Dream. Practice.

A few creative lessons I've learned since moving back to the States

1. The BEST thing you can do for your creativity when you're going through a tough time is to stay awake. Not literally. You actually need a decent amount of sleep. I mean stay awake emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Don't take the easy road and numb out through emotional eating, drinking, or mindless entertainment.

2. Be intentional about setting aside time to dream. In the past I've focused so much on the doing. Make make make. While that's important, like everything, there are cycles. Some days you act practically and put pen to paper, some days you get lost in your mind, reflect, dream, and set intentions on where to go next.

3. If you want to get good at something, it just takes time and practice -- two things we humans kind of suck at. But seriously, that's all it takes. Keep showing up.

4. Always always always nurture the seed of faith that it'll all work out.

A case for coffee photos, creative entrepreneurship, & coconut oil.

At 16 I didn't care much for popularity. I wanted to be different. 

I didn't want to go to the college everyone else applied to. I pushed the boundaries of our khaki-and-polo-shirt uniforms. I volunteered for positions others overlooked — newspaper editor, study abroad in Ghana, school-wide mock presidential debate. (I was Dick Cheney. We all made mistakes when we were young, right?)

The drive to carve my own path is still a big part of my identity, and I cherish it. But now I see there is a big difference between trying something different because I really want to vs. doing something different just to be different.

The first stems from an internal desire, and the second from outward motivation.

The bottom line — If you truly love something, love it. If a different path genuinely interests you, pursue it.

Whether it's popular or not. Trending or so last season. I don't see any difference between doing something to fit in and not doing something to stand out.

Maybe you want to start weaving, but you heard someone complain that weaving is now commonplace... mainstream... all this attention is ruining the ART. And anyone who jumps on the weaving bandwagon isn't really an artist because it's so overdone. 

Errrrr, nonononononono. Nope. NOOOOOOPE.

If you want to weave (or paint, or draw, or take film photographs...), go out tomorrow morning and get what you need to do it. And be proud of what you make. Love the craft. Do what YOU want, unapologetically. Popular or not.

Same goes for whatever else is prevalent or passe... Instagram photos of your coffee. Abstract art. Creative entrepreneurship. #vanlife. Big house. Tiny home. Life coaching. Coconut oil.

People will always find something to complain about, especially on the Internet. So might as well truly enjoy what you're doing, right? 

Doesn't matter if it's trendy or mainstream, eccentric or remarkable. Do what you want to do. Do it. Love it. Unapologetically.

How to #repost with respect.

A couple months ago the lovely activist, entrepreneur, and actress Sophia Bush posted a photo of a woman wearing a shirt that said "Strong women intimidate boys.. and excite men."

She sources Malin Akerman — another famous actress — for the photo. I assumed that Malin Akerman probably didn't take this photo or make the shirt, so I went all Sherlock Holmes and spent a good 15 minutes uncovering the real source of this work.

Malin Akerman posted the same photo, credited to fellow actress Jaime King.

Jaime King credited the photo to NYC photographer Jamie Nelson. Interestingly enough, this photo has since been deleted from Jaime's account.

Thing is, photographer Jamie Nelson did not actually take this photo. She also reposted it from someone else with the accurate credit buried under a ton of hashtags, making it difficult to see who actually took the photograph.

Good on her for tagging everyone who was involved in the photo. She may not have done it in the clearest way, but at least she did it. Still, I found more after I kept digging. As you can see, this was a repost from AFROPUNK.

The crediting done here is super straightforward. They credit the photographer, the model, and the shirt maker. That's great! However, it's still a let down because when I went to the original artist's page to find the photo I realized it originally wasn't posted in black and white, and the credit line was cropped on the repost.

John Brown was the photographer who shot this photo. He was kind and brave enough to share it with all of us on the Internet, and it was unfortunately taken advantage of.

Yes, this is the nature of the Internet, but what are we doing if not speaking up and trying to educate others to share with respect? Just because people can share others' work freely and without much repercussion, doesn't mean we should just shrug our shoulders and keep scrolling.

I didn't write this post because I feel holier than thou (I'm sure I've inaccurately credited artists before), but as a reminder to myself and everyone reading that it's up to us. We have to go the extra mile to make sure that the work we are re-sharing is accurate and fair.

Here are a few of my ground rules for sharing other people's work on the Internet:

1. Accurately credit the people that you are reposting. Yes, this might take a bit more effort. Yes, this feels like work. That's the price you pay for sharing other people's art for free on your website or social media. Curating is an art form, and it requires dedication and hard work when done right.
2. Credit the work CLEARLY. Don't bury the artist's name or handle in a pile of hashtags that make it impossible to see. Don't just tag the photo, but not list their name in the caption. That's just lazy. Go above and beyond to make sure the artist gets the recognition they deserve.
3. Never edit without their permission. You may think you are helping out the artist by touching up/editing their work, but you're not. This piece does not belong to you. Respect the artist's original vision. If you feel the need to edit, crop, touch-up.. ask for permission first. Always.
4. When you see something, say something. It feels like every day I see someone's work getting ripped off online. Don't just shake your head and move on — speak up! Chances are the person posting doesn't even realize what they're doing.

It's up to us to change the reposting landscape. I don't think most people do this maliciously. It's just pure ignorance and laziness. The good thing about that is we can help educate and hopefully shift people's posting habits.

Click to tweet it out, yo! 
A must-read for all my Internet friends: How to #repost with respect, by @amandsandlin

What do you think? Do you see this happening online? Have you ever spoken up about it? Please feel free to share your experiences or thoughts below. Let's have a conversation!

Are you stuck in a "rest" rut?

Over the past few weeks I haven’t been writing as much because I’ve been struggling. Sleepless nights, sickness, anxiety, lots of tears and fears about the future…

Realizing your dreams and going after them is freaking hard! I can see why so many people don't ever do it. Anything is possible. Everything is uncertain. And it can be completely paralyzing.

If you’ve been reading these newsletters you know that this ‘season of winter’ in my business/creativity has been lingering for a while now.

I’ve tried allllll the things to cope with the lull. I went to therapy. Meditated. Read books on Buddhist teachings. Ignored my feelings. Slept. Got off the grid on climbing trips. Let myself cry. Released all expectations.

It was great. But then I got stuck in a "rest" rut.

This morning I rolled over, grabbed my phone, and laid there for a good hour just going through social media, email, and articles.

And that’s when it hit me.

This isn’t really rest.

Staying up til 1 watching Grey’s Anatomy, addictively checking social media in bed, binge eating sweets, not exercising… that isn’t rest.

That’s laziness. That’s the opposite of self-care.

I’m all for real rest. For embracing your ‘winter season’. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or depressed or anxious. Sometimes you need to cry. Sometimes you need to lie in bed for a week.

I’m not advocating judgement or for you to be harsh on yourself. Never ever. Always be gentle. But you've also just gotta be straight-up real sometimes.

Sometimes you need to (lovingly) pull yourself out of bed. Sometimes you need to deactivate your Facebook account (because it’s for your own good). Sometimes work is going to feel like work (and that’s okay).

Realize when you’re past the point of needing rest. Is rest really what you need right now? Are you just perpetuating your own paralysis through fake "resting"?

If you’re feeling this, just take your soul by the hand and say.. 

Today is the day. It’s time to get up. It’s time to try again. You can do this. I believe in you. [tweet]

Today is the day, friends. I believe in you. And thank you for always believing in me, too.

Make Your Mark: A Community for Artistic Connection

Last month I had a false-start when I launched the pre-sale for a course called 'Make Your Mark'. I quickly realized that it wasn't the right move for me (you can read more about that here), but I still wanted to build an online community for aspiring + current artists.

I am starting small and testing out an idea — Make Your Mark: A Community for Artistic Connection. It's free, private, and you can join on Facebook right here.

Make Your Mark is a safe space for current + aspiring fine artists to share their work and connect in an genuine way.

I made this group because I would LOVE to build a support system of artists who genuinely care. I am a part of some other "creative" groups on Facebook, but most of them are filled with people selling things and not engaging in a deep, honest that way I so crave.

I envision us sharing our creations and the process behind them—what does this work mean to you, why did you make it, how do you feel about it?

It's a space to get REAL with one another.

I also want to bring in some working artists I look up to every month to provide us with insight and feedback on our work.

In Make Your Mark, you can expect to:

• Engage in honest conversation about creativity + art
• Find collaborators
• Get constructive critiques (only if you want 'em!)
• Share + listen to others' fears/challenges around art
• Go deeper as an artist

This is NOT a place for:

• Being harsh/condescending
• Selling
• Mindless encouragement OR critique

Join the group for free here!

Strike a nerve.

Lately I've been tapping into a new well of creativity. It feels much deeper and closer to my heart than what I've done before.

Cute drawings of trees and cups of coffee have turned into vibrant, large works of abstract art.

My writings have shifted from being about my reading list or '25 things you can do without the internet' to focusing on criticism, sacred art forms, and embracing the ebb and flow of life.

Almost immediately after I began creating from this deeper place, haters began to emerge from the woodwork.

• They insulted my "art".
• They told me I paint like a 5-year-old.
• They questioned the substance and depth of my art.
• They told me to cut it out with this 'creative self-help nonsense'.

And now I know that all this is a GOOD sign.

Don't give up. Don't back down. Don't let them scare you.

When you encounter resistance... when you strike a nerve.. it means you're onto something.

Screw them. Do it your way.

Last week I got an email from an "art curator/historian" questioning the substance and depth of my "art".

I wrote a thoughtful, inquisitive reply. l hoped she wanted to have a genuine conversation, but it immediately became clear that her intention was to cut me down.

I deleted her emails and reminded myself that her opinion means nothing, but it still got to me. I researched famous artists and read articles on art criticism. I watched a few shows on contemporary art.

At that point, I realized this was not my truth.

My art is spontaneous and abstract. That doesn't mean it's shallow. I don't deeply contemplate what to say before I paint. I don't plan. I typically don't provide a social commentary. That doesn't mean it lacks substance.

My art is pure, in-the-moment emotional expression.

And there's no way that cannot be substantive.

Work in progress: Technicolor

I didn't go to art school. I am learning as I go.

It isn't right or wrong, it just is what it is.

If you've also chosen a less popular path—to forgo art school, to start a business without a degree, to teach yourself how to code–chances are, you will encounter similar criticism.

Criticism is a crossroad.

You can either look at the more accepted paths as superior and attempt to conform to them while leaving your truth behind, or you can say, "Screw it, I'm doing it my way."

I'm making my art MY way. What is the point if you are not making art, (or doing business, or building your life) in a way that is REAL and lights YOU up?

I don't make stuff for approval. I don't paint for recognition. I make art because it's me.

To me, it is art. 
Therefore: It is art.

The next time someone tries to tell you how you should be doing something..

Step back. Give them a chance. Listen. Is there any little sliver you can take from what they're saying to get closer to your truth?

If so, great. Take it, and move on. And if not, screw it. You know yourself better.

You define your art. Art is what you say it is. Art can feel however you want. It can be whatever you want. You don't owe anything to anyone.

What makes you different from and uncomfortable to others makes you fantastic. Embrace your contrasts. They make you YOU!

Thoughts on art criticism (part 1).

After receiving an email from an art historian/curator criticizing my work, I felt the desire to write a series on art criticism.

..a series because my "official" opinion is still in the process of being formed. ;)

As of today, here are my thoughts/questions:

For me, art is an entirely subjective and personal journey. I set no expectations or boundaries around my work. It is my time to let go and not think, to just feel and make marks.

Because of this, I tend to view criticism (in my case) as irrelevant. I realize this as my truth, in this moment. I'm sure as I continue to create and learn this may change.

But I wonder what place criticism has in work like mine—highly personal, expressive, non-technical..

How can someone criticize what is purely a personal expression?

I am replying to this woman with my thoughts and questions, and look forward to hearing what she has to say. I'll report back as I delve into this topic further!

What do you think? Is art criticism relevant and necessary? Can it be harmful? Is it circumstantial? Share in the comments below or email me amanda@amandasandlin.com!

Discovering my sacred art form.

As a creative entrepreneur, I am constantly thinking about how to position myself and my work, and how to make money from what I create.

Because of this, I think it's so important to have at least ONE art form deemed as 'sacred'.

What does 'sacred' really mean?

• I do not place any expectations on it.
• I do not say to it, "One day I hope you'll make me a ton of money".
• I do not try to make it more palatable and digestible for others.
• I accept it wholly for what it is.
• I let it breathe and be.

Lately my sacred art form has been abstract painting.

Up until a few months ago, I'd been making stuff (drawings, videos, photographs, collages, paintings) every single day for over a year, but nothing felt like a true expression of myself.

I wanted my first year of making to be carefree and light—I drew coffee cups, and trees, and houses, and stylish women. I didn't put the expectation on myself to be able to dig that deep right out of the gate.

Until one day I woke up and just felt so... dry. I was at a point where I couldn't go on making 'art' that didn't feel like I was in it.

So I sat down and said,

"God, if you're up there, I need you to show up today. I've been showing up for the past year, and I feel like I'm all alone in this. I need you to show up. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this."

And he/she/the universe/it... DID. I immediately felt like a dam released and I could FINALLY express my emotions. I felt like I'd woken up from a coma where everyone's just been sitting at my bedside, waiting, watching, putting their words in my mouth.

After this deep, opening experience, I decided to keep this one, special, honest art form... completely sacred.

I have a few of my original pieces for sale on my site, but I am not expecting anything to come from them. I feel like I've finally found a medium and process that I COMPLETELY am fulfilled by, and if I never make a single dollar off of these works, that won't change the fact that I NEED and LOVE to make them. With every fiber of my being.

And that, is sacred.

My happy medium between manifesting + reality.

I'm all for positive thinking and envisioning what you really want coming true (manifesting, if you will), but lately it seems important to do this without ANY expectation.

No attachment to the outcome.

It's a weird contradiction — to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. (Sometimes I wonder if the back-up plan inhibits the dream from coming true.)

Every night I go to bed and run through a couple of scenarios in my mind:

1. I envision my dreams coming true. All of the wins I will experience the next day. All of the things that can and will go right. All of the opportunities.
2. I prepare for NONE of it happening. I think about what I will do if tomorrow comes and it doesn't appear that any progress has been made. What will I work on? What will I do? How will I go on?

This combination feels pretty healthy for me, but I'd guess it's different for everyone. In the past I've put so much weight in my dreams/hopes/visions that when they don't come true I'm completely crushed and don't know where to go next. So being prepared to keep moving if they don't come to fruition has helped me greatly.

This whole trust thing is tricky, but I hope this practice helps you in some way.

What do you think? How do you cope with uncertainty and your goals? Feel free to share in the comments below!