Feeling is a gift.

I remember being 18, sitting on the couch with my mom, and in such intense pain over something. I can't remember exactly what it was, but she looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed, confused, almost as if she was feeling my pain too.

My mom said, “You feel things so deeply. When you’re high, you’re so high, and when you’re low, you’re so low.”

In that moment I knew it was true and that she didn't mean any harm, but I felt ashamed. I've lived the past 11 years believing my intense emotions were something that needed to be fixed.

So when I began to feel that inner tipping recently, knowing that the decline into a sadder state shortly awaited, my shame reflex was once again triggered. 

When this happens my tendency is to isolate, close the blinds, stay in bed. And that's what I did, frustrated with my seeming inability to be "normal". Why must I constantly be on the rollercoaster of emotion? Will it ever end? Will I ever just feel mellow, steady, even-keeled?

I turned to music and found solace in a song by Broods. The lyric:

--
I know it's hard to see me down
I cry and cry upon the ground
--
And then, a wistful, almost inaudible line that goes:
--
A simple price I pay for all the love I feel when I'm okay
--

I've heard this melody many times, but the meaning never registered. This time I felt every word. It hit me like truth serum, and a little piece of the puzzle I'd been trying to put together over the past month or so of melancholy.

The lyric brought me back to early December, driving over a mountain pass with my boyfriend, walls of snow surrounding the winding two-lane highway.

“I've decided something about life," I said. "You know, we can believe that everything happens by chance and we're nothing more than just organisms floating on a rock in space, or we can choose to believe that there is a purpose. I choose that.

I choose to believe that there is a reason why I am here, why I feel so intensely, both the highs and lows. Maybe it's the only way I would create art. Or maybe I feel these things to express them and help other people. I choose to believe I am here for a reason. In this human body. For a purpose."

There is a reason why I cry and cry, and I truly believe it’s because the elation I feel when things are good is unlike anything I could ever describe. My joy runs as deep as my pain. And all of this drives my art.

Some people may want to label this as bipolar or depression or emotional instability or whatever else. I choose to believe it has a purpose.

I choose to let this human experience shape me and shift me and show me lessons, ideas, inspirations that in this world no other people get to have. I choose that belief. I choose to make it a force in my art, like Broods does in their music.

The world tries to tell us, in various ways, that we are wrong. That our "flaws" need to be fixed. That we need to all be the same. By doing that we are missing out on our true gifts, our unique human experiences.

I wish I could speak to my 18-year-old self and tell her "Don't run from your deep feelings, they are your gifts! If you can learn to accept and love all parts of yourself, you will be limitless."

PMS, PMDD, cycles, and creativity.

Please note: I am NOT a medical professional. I am sharing my personal experience and always recommend to do what feels right for you and consult a professional, especially if you are dealing with depression and/or need help now. The National Suicide Prevention hotline is available 24/7 at 1.800.273.8255.

In our society we have a limited view on PMS and women’s cycles. We’re taught to hide it, to be embarrassed by it, and to avoid oversharing. We mock it. We try to cover it up with ice cream and wine and painkillers. We do everything but listen to our symptoms and embrace our cycle as a powerful creative force.

PMS. PMDD. Whatever you want to call it, I begin to experience this every week or so before my period. It can become debilitating, and this is when doctors make the distinction between PMS vs. PMDD. I’ll turn into a person I don't recognize -- someone with no vision, persistent anxiety, and a microscopic fuse.

In addition to the emotional issues, once my period arrives I spend at least a couple days in bed, curled in a fetal position and maxed out on Midol.

For the past month and moving forward, I'm trying something different -- attempting to treat my PMS/PMDD from a few different angles, without birth control or other medication. I've tried birth control multiple times over the past 10 years and have consistently had negative experiences. I know it works for some people, just not me.

I’ve been following Alisa Vitti's food protocol (she has a wonderful app called My Flo that I 100% recommend) to address hormonal imbalances in a natural way through food, exercise, and other lifestyle shifts.

My multi-layered approach to easing PMS and embracing my natural cycle includes:

• Dramatically reducing caffeine consumption. I will drink one small coffee/day only AFTER I've eaten breakfast. Before this month I was drinking 3-4 cups/day.

• Limiting alcohol consumption to just one drink (usually a small glass of wine) once or twice a week. Prior I was drinking 1-2 glasses of wine almost every night.

• Taking probiotics and eating more fermented foods.

• Taking CBD oil in the week and a half leading up to my period, and upping the dosage the week before and of my period. I haven't had my period yet, so I can't say if CBD helps cramps, but it has helped stabilize my moods.

• Turning inward with compassion and love, recognizing my triggers and reactions, letting myself express them immediately and move on as swiftly as they came. (No big deal, right?) Some books that have helped me in this process are Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christiane Northrup M.D. and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

Last weekend I found myself in the beginning stages of PMS, and I had a unique experience. I felt highly sensitive and emotional, and lashed out on a couple occasions, but I came back to center after expressing those emotions. And when I did, I felt a raw, strong-yet-soft energy coursing through my chest. It felt like an internal pump, flushing creative life through my system and peeling back layers of resistance I'd built up. I'd never felt anything like it.

I am learning the importance of how I respond to my symptoms. During PMS I typically put my blinders on, breaking out the Netflix and ice cream, binging and attempting to numb it all out, which is typically how we're taught to deal with that time of month.

Not only is that potentially dangerous (I believe binging on TV and sugar actively contributes to my feelings of depression) but it's also missing a huge opportunity that is unique to us as women. I have a hunch that some of our deepest, truest, most profound creativity can be realized during this time. As women, we are creators. Literally. Our periods are here to remind us of that. By nature, we create. We have an innate connection to this world because of our bodies and cycles.

And, well, I think that's pretty spectacular.

I'm only in the beginning of this journey and I'm realizing some huge truths that are totally reframing my period mindset.

What if instead of anticipating those weeks as a time to numb out and "just get through it" with my head down, I saw it as an opportunity to connect with the deepest, most raw parts of myself? What if I took care of and expressed compassion toward myself when I am emotional? What if I allowed this time in my cycle to reveal truths I needed to hear, communicated by my body?

I'd love to hear from you. Do you experience painful periods? Have you experimented with alternatives to birth control and pain killers? Have you found creative energy through your period? Please feel free to share in the comments below.

In search of a new creative home.

I am searching for a feeling. The feeling of such commitment to and passion for your craft that it pulls you in, causing you to lose track of time, look up and it's dark outside, having forgotten to eat lunch or check your phone. Flow state.

I want that more than anything. And I feel a little fraudulent to admit that I currently do not feel this way about my work.

Drawing, photography, and the #atwildwoman was one of the first projects where I felt it had a life of its own, and I was just there, capturing it. Flow state.

The #atwildwoman has been my creative home, a safe space for the past few years, and I am grateful for her lessons. She has prepared me for what's next, what that is, I have no idea.

It's not just okay to change, it's GOOD to change. It's the way of the universe. It means you are a human, a human whose worldview and desires are expanding with our expanding universe, and this is why you're here.

If you no longer love what you once did, that doesn't mean you never truly loved it. New desires do not negate all of your past ones.

So I am stepping out there, into the expanse of the unknown, looking for a new place to lay down some creative roots. Maybe I'll date around with all sorts of mediums (I just signed up for a sculpture class at a community college) until I find that time-bending passion. Maybe I'll find it right away. I hope you'll stick around for the ride.

I know I'm not alone in this feeling. And I think we all need to write ourselves a big fat permission slip.

A permission slip to change our minds, to change our craft, to abandon what isn't working, to look like a fool, to try something new, to fail, to keep trying, to be a beginner again, even after you've found resonance somewhere else. And another permission slip to feel scared, embarrassed, nervous, and shy along the way, without self-judgement.

And maybe a few other blank slips to use along the way, because it's all okay.

Don't settle. Keep searching for your creative home, the one you've built in sincerity, the one that's real. Screw a perfectly linear creative path. Take a risk. Choose what's real over what's certain.

Yours from the creative unknown,
Amanda

Contrast creates expansion.

It's a Tuesday morning, the first back in the "office", after a weekend sleeping on the ground and walking through the alpine. I've got a dry nose, peeling forehead, sore legs, bruised hips. Despite the sensation of my body seemingly falling apart, it's been a while since I've felt this alive.

With every step we took over our 14-mile journey, I could feel a burning thing rising under my ribs, a purging. My relationships, my business, art, and desires. They were all on emotional trial as I tried to project my discomfort on them as we walked. Maybe that doesn't make sense. Or maybe, if you've been there, it does.

As the creature comforts and ease of daily life cracks and falls away when you're in an uncomfortable situation -- one you can't readily escape -- it's impossible to avoid the truths you know in your gut but haven't yet processed in your mind.

It's been a second since I felt that 'ripped open' sensation. The one you can't numb, you can't avoid. I was tired and I was "feeling things" as my friend Skye said. I was emotional. I was not my 'best' self by society's standards. But I was incredibly human, and that's something.

Two days felt like two years. That's what contrast does.

In the routine of a privileged, comfortable daily life, time passes quickly. But I never want to gloss over time, having a week, month, year, feel like a just glance down and up again.

Routine creates an inner resin. It takes me away from that raw, ripped open place where I feel deeply, where my most true expressions of art and life come from.

Prioritize your expansion -- the breaking and shaking off of your inner resin.

When you feel brave enough, or perhaps ignorant enough to the discomfort you will endure, you do this by putting yourself in new and challenging situations.

I do it by travel, which wakes me up to the world. I do it by falling in love. I do it by saying 'yes' and agreeing to go, when my physical body wants only to stay.

You can't avoid time. You can't avoid this expanding universe. It's going on with or without you. Choose to be an active part of your expansion. It will be hard, it will be beautiful.

Hello depression, my old friend.

Recently my boyfriend and I were driving to the gym, and instead of our typical chatty trip, I sat in silence looking out at the greening Colorado foothills pass by, feeling nothing. Something had been off with me for a couple weeks, so I chose to try and positive "think" my way out of the funk.

I told him I needed to find "something to look forward to." I yearned for the feeling of positive expectation, or even just a little flash of happiness in the moment. 

He took a pause and responded, "Alpine season, summer, Squamish, house projects... aren't all of these amazing things to look forward to?" 

My head immediately said yes, yes, absolutely, but my heart and soul still felt detached, almost frozen. Why was I not feeling into these incredible experiences I would have in coming months? Why couldn't I feel good right now, even in just this one moment?

I didn't get it. I felt envious of his nonchalant happiness. We drove a couple more miles. I apologized for my ups and downs. "You don't need to be sorry," he said.

"I know I don't need to be sorry, but I also know it must be hard when I'm all over the place.... I would never want to date an artist." We both laughed.

We turned into the parking lot.

"Is it an artist thing, or more of a depression thing?" he asked.

My heart sunk.

As soon as he said it. My heart sparked. It knew he was spot on.

"Depression."

Yet suddenly, all of these words from my head spilled out onto my tongue. I tried to explain, "I think the stereotype of the tortured artist exists because creative people are prone to more highs and lows, and we find solace in creating as a means to express those feelings."

But while my mouth and mind moved, my heart stayed still, knowing.

Depression. There I was experiencing another bout of... depression. For a moment I felt hugely disappointed. I've been here before, and not too long ago. I thought I worked through this. I thought I was done with it. Why have I slipped again?

Then came the tears, then came the freedom.

I won't lie. Experiencing depression is HARD. It sucks. But in that moment I realized two very important things.

1. Depression is something you manage. I won't say it will impact me forever, because who knows what will happen, and I believe life is ever-changing. But for now, this is a very real experience I have to deal with regularly. And it "coming back" is not a sign of failure or weakness.

2. You can only move on after you acknowledge. I am a believer in positive thought. But I think masking all of our internal experiences with "positive thinking" robs of us a deeper understanding -- to acknowledge our pain, and to show our inner selves compassion.

Even though I am on the upswing now, writing these words still feels raw and brings a steady stream of tears down my face, because I know it will come again. And when it does, I hope I can sit with it, perhaps with a little more openness, and see what it has to teach me on that day.

If you're dealing with anxiety or depression at this moment, please know you're not alone. And if you need immediate support, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

The 100 Day Project is here!

Tuesday, April 3, marks the start of a very exciting time of year -- day 1 of another 100 Day Project!

Here's what it is: The #100DayProject is a free, worldwide art project that anyone can do. It's super simple. You just decide to show up every day for 100 days and create.

Last year I didn't complete the full 100 days. I got to day ~70 on my project #100daysofwildhair before losing motivation and letting it slip away. I'm happy to have made it that far, but this year I'm ready to go all the way!

If you're interested in joining, you can choose a project and join in at any time. Here are a few tips & tricks I learned from last year:

Day 36 from last year's #100daysofwildhair, available as a print here

1. Pick something specific to create every day.

The more structure you give yourself, the more likely you are to create daily. For example:

"I'm going to draw every day" is vague and can be overwhelming, especially later in the project. 

"I'm going to draw my breakfast every day" is specific and doesn't require much thought. This kind of specificity will help you, especially if you have fairly full days and not a ton of time to dedicate to your project.

2. Give it a #hashtag.

Try to create something unique (I like to search Instagram to see if it's been used before). Last year I had #100daysofwildhair and this year I have #100daysofindependentstudy. Length doesn't matter. This is more for documentation's sake.

3. Don't feel obligated to post on social media every day.

Last year I attempted this, and it burned me out. The point of this project is to create, and that will inevitably lead to work you like as well as HATE. Feel free to keep it to yourself, and carry on!

4. Choose a project you're honestly excited about.

The first day should feel like a holiday, something you've been looking forward to for months. Last year I chose a project that "made sense" to my business and previous art experience. What's important here is the experience, not the outcome. Do what you makes you truly EXCITED.

If you'd like to find more direction, community, and interviews to inspire your project, check out the100dayproject.org.

---

My Project: 100 Days of independent study

The morning of day one!

This year I am using the 100 Day Project to dive into new art practices I've always wanted to explore but have never made time for in the past. I realize this will require quite a bit of energy, but I'm totally willing to put it in. To me, this 100 Day Project is serving as a personal "DIY art school". 

I'm taking the next 100 days to dabble, learn, make really ugly art, and expand my skill set.

The project will be broken down in 25-day sections. I will explore four different practiecs, each for 25 days. 

My only requirement is that I spend at least 15 minutes/day actually CREATING. This doesn't include time spent on tutorials or gathering inspiration.

Are you feeling revved up and ready to start your 100 Day Project, too? Let's go! I'd love to hear what you're focusing on in the comments below. 

3 Biggest Lessons from 3 Years in Biz

Last week I launched a new shop and BIG dream of mine, At Wild Studio, which happened to take place on the exact three-year anniversary of when I quit my day job to pursue design and art. Serendipity strikes again!

This realization prompted a full-scale reflection on the past three years (aka, I scrolled all the way back on my Instagram and had a good, nostalgic cry). What worked? Where did I slip up a little and learn a lot? What advice would I give to someone just starting a creative biz?

So I wrote this for you: The 3 Biggest Lessons from 3 Years in Biz. Feel free to comment below with any questions or insights from your own experiences!

Some thoughts during my first year in business. New Zealand circa 2015

---

Lesson 1: Find the type of stress that works for you.

I think the big misconception (I had it too before starting my business) is that self-employment is the answer to all of your woes. When you're at a soul-sucking job that makes you dread Sunday nights more than a trip to the dentist, the idea of quitting it all and working for yourself sure does seem grand. But maybe what you need is a new job, not to start your own.

What if I told you there is no one answer that'll make all of your work-related stress go away? You can't avoid stress; you just have to find the type that works best for you.

The type of stress that works for me: worrying about bills, debt, and if I can make ends meet this month; finding self-motivation when all I want to do is crawl back into bed; making sacrifices in my personal life for my business; working well over 40 hours/week at times; making big decisions for my business without input from others; feeling creatively stuck and having to find my way out of it; balancing art and business.

The type of stress that doesn't work for me: being expected to stick to a daily schedule; not being able to take time off whenever I want; going into an office or work location every day; working on a boss's timeline; not being able to control the higher-level operations of where I work.

I know people who would MUCH prefer the second type of stress, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I wish I would prefer the other kind, because running your own ship can get really exhausting. Ultimately, though, I wouldn't trade it.

This path takes time and dedication, just like any other. It's a cliche, but there really are no overnight successes. There is no substitute for hard work and consistency -- showing up every day and plugging along. You might feel like you're going at a snail's pace, and you have to be okay with that. Just know the lows happen -- stress happens -- regardless of whether you're working for yourself or someone else. You just have to get really honest with yourself and decide, which one works best for you?

The struggle was (and is) real. Circa 2015

Lesson 2: You need to feel excited by your vision.

I truly believe the only way I've made it this far in business is because of my pure excitement and vision. You HAVE to be excited by what you're doing. Your heart has to be in it, otherwise you're gonna burn out oh-so fast.

Perhaps an even greater challenge than finding your initial excitement is keeping your excitement level high throughout the years. Of course there will be moments of low energy, even complete creative silence. This is when you have to shift gears, try something new, or take your biggest risk yet to find the vision that will pull you out of your funk.

I like to approach everything in my business as an experiment, and I think this has helped me not get stuck in one idea of how my business should be. You try something, see how it feels, and you pivot. This fluidity has helped me find the excitement I need to wake up every day and give it all I've got.

Experiments. Circa 2016

Lesson 3: Do it.

If you've realized this way of life will work for you and have a vision you're truly excited about, do it. You'll regret not trying.

Especially while you're young(er) and have less financial and general life responsibilities, just DO IT. You can always go back to what's familiar. This is the one life we've got for certain, why not give it a shot?

---

I hope my ramblings might give you a bit of insight in you're considering making the leap to being fully self-employed. As always, feel free to comment below with any questions or reach out to me directly at amanda@amandasandlin.com. I'd love to hear from you!

Introducing At Wild Studio!

I'm writing this in my robe, face unwashed, with a bottomless cup of coffee by my side after a very late night (and 17-hour day) putting finishing touches to my new site and new shop (!) At Wild Studio!

After much procrastination I am thrilled to share this with you. I've wanted to create a separate shop for my art and creative experiments for as long as I can remember, and now it's finally here.

What You Need to Know:

• All prints, art, digital goods, etc. are still available over on atwildstudio.com. 
• Nothing has changed as far as shipping, taxes, or fulfillment.
• There are lots of new prints available, including a few collages!

Like everything else in business and life, I'm approaching At Wild Studio as an experiment. I'd love to one day make this a collaborative project with other artists and include more functional art (stuff you'll actually use, not just look at), but this is the first step. And progress takes time. There is no substitute for dedication and time.

Thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged me for the past few years. I am truly grateful!

-Amanda

Let's talk about money.

True story: A few months ago I almost published a post titled "Why I don't want to make more money". I constantly told myself "I don't need to make more than, you know, around $30,000."

Looking back now, I know how silly that belief was. Sure, most of my bare-bone needs are met at that amount. And I don't have expensive tastes or hobbies. But would life be easier if I made more? Yeah. Would it be nice to have more freedom for travel, treating friends to tasty meals, and perhaps even going to the dentist a couple times a year? Um, YEAH.

A "living on crumbs" mentality is easy to adopt as a self-employed artist. Essentially being entrepreneurs, we can have the 'grind' ingrained in us so much that we start to think it should always be a challenge. And who knows, maybe a part of us even enjoys the excitement of it. But there comes a point where we must shift our mindset from settling for just getting by to stepping into what we deserve.

Enter: You Are a Badass at Making Money, by Jen Sincero.

Bite-size overview: I love the simplicity of Jen's message and the practical exercises at the end of every chapter. This book was honestly a game-changer, and I've read a loooot of stuff about manifesting & money mindset prior. Her delivery is fresh and totally a read.

Here are some of my favorite lessons and a-ha! moments from the book.

SHIFTING MONEY MINDSETS YOU ADOPTED FROM CHILDHOOD

The top three money-related things I remember my parents telling me as a kid:

1. Spending a lot of money is careless.
2. You don't understand the burden of debt.
3. You're going to regret spending money.

This exercise in Chapter Two was probably my favorite. It blew the top off of these limiting beliefs that I didn't even know I had. Through a process Jen explains in the book, I came up with three NEW, alternative statements for these three beliefs:

1. Conscious spending is an act of love. (Not to toot my own horn but UM YAAAAS!)
2. Money is constantly flowing to me.
3. I find joy in spending money because I have a plan for the future.

GLEANINGS FROM MEDITATION

Another reason why I didn't want to make than $30,000 was because I had another belief -- "I have to work more and harder to earn more money."

I discovered this when Jen asked readers to meditate on the question, "What belief is blocking me from making money?" I sat there in silence as this belief came up. "I have to work more and harder to earn more money."

Jen suggests really diving into your beliefs and asking the hard questions to see if they will hold up. (Spoiler: 99% of the time... they don't.) You almost play devil's advocate with your own mind. I did this in my journal. Here is the brief paragraph I wrote:

"I have to work more/harder to make more." Why do I believe this? It's what is taught in society. And what if you just increased your rates, or sold more prints or paintings you already made? That's right. I guess you don't necessarily have to work more to earn more. So that belief is not fully true. Therefore, it need not apply. Here is my new thought: "I can make more money right now than ever before, and do nothing differently."

PAINTING THE PICTURE OF YOUR IDEAL DAY

This was another powerful exercise for me -- free flow and write down every detail about your ideal day, start to finish. It isn't enough to just say you want to make more money. You need to know why and vividly paint a picture in your head of what life will look like when you have financial freedom.

For me, this included: a sunlit house with lots of windows in a small town where I can walk everywhere. A big backyard and a free-standing studio. Sharing a cup of coffee every monring with my love. Mentoring artists newer in their careers. Planning climbing expeditions. Toying in my garden and getting messy with my hands. Showing my work to people who appreciate it.

I loved this exercise because it's visceral and emotional.

---

The book continues like this -- working on belief shifts; finding tangible reasons to be positive about money; focusing on gratitude; discovering where you're reinforcing negative thoughts; and getting really clear on the details of money goals.

I would highly recommend this book. I returned in to the library a month or so ago and already want to go check it out again!

Have you read Jen's book? Do you have any limiting money beliefs you're working on correcting? I love chatting about this stuff, so feel free to leave a comment below with any thoughts, questions, or ideas you have about money.

Why I'm missing out on an incredible opportunity.

Every February is the deadline for Adobe Creative Residency applications. The Residency is an amazing opportunity to get funding and mentorship and focus on your passion project without any distraction. Thank you, Adobe, for supporting creatives with this opportunity!

The application process alone is super helpful for getting laser-focused and specific on creative ideas swirling around in your brain. If you've got an idea you're stoked on, it's absolutely worthwhile to apply.

The past two years I've applied and didn't get in, so when the New Year arrived I knew the deadline would be following shortly. Between then and now, no ideas got me goin' until a few nights ago, when I had a brief a-ha! moment while crawling into bed.

A little something I made this week

As I began developing this idea and project pitch, something wasn’t aligning internally. The Residency still sounded like an opportunity I'd be SO grateful for, but I found resistance with my project. Rather than feeling excitement and eagerness for the chance to bring my idea to life, it felt like an obligation.

“I don’t want to regret not applying”, I told my boyfriend when mulling over whether to send in the application or not. “Might as well…”

But if there’s one thing I don’t want to do in my art and creative career, it’s half ass.. anything. I made a pact to stop doing that this year. No more under-charging. No more spreading myself too thin. No more applying for an opportunity just because it’s there.

Our society values more. But just because we might be capable of doing more at this moment doesn’t mean we should. What intrigues me most is intention, ease, and conscious choices.

So instead of making another cup (or 5) of coffee and filming, drawing, and developing this application until the wee hours, followed by a 24-hour push to relaunch a newly designed website, I am BREATHING. I am closing my laptop. I am getting out a book that’s been feeding my soul, putting on sweatpants, and making herbal tea.

Sometimes (nope, always) you're better off going the direction your intuition is leading you. You might sense it in your body or just have a knowing feeling in your gut, and it's always wise to listen.

You know what to do.

Before & After: My home studio DIY renovation!

I've written in the past about how a formal studio practice didn't work for me (more on that here), but I've always loved having a dedicated space for creative work, so I decided to give a home studio a try. Why: less financial commitment; easier access; and more privacy. (I sing when I paint. Loudly.)

When I discovered this dingy dark concrete room in the basement, I immediately saw it... a studio!

Maybe I'm crazy (my boyfriend certainly thought I was at the time) but I didn't just see a spider dungeon and THE ugliest burgundy-stained floor ever, I saw potential. With a little (correction: A LOT) scrubbing and a few coats of white paint, I knew it could be the new home to my art practice.

And I was right!

The Process (approximately one month):

1. Removed EVERYTHING from the space -- old cabinets, shelves, light fixtures, and the table. One of the only thing I left was the vintagey metal fan, which would nearly cut my finger off while painting later.
2. Deep cleaned. I scrubbed the walls down with antibacterial soap and hot water and swept all the cobwebs out of the rafters. 
3. Sanded floor and walls. This is essential to prep for painting! 
4. Swept and vacuumed x 10. You don't want dust on any surfaces before painting.
5. Painted the floor and walls. (Paint listed/linked below). I laid down 4-5 coats on every surface since concrete is super absorbent.
6. Sealed the floor (listed below). This puts a thin sheen over the paint, which makes it resistant to stains and easy to clean.
7. Sanded + painted table. I also removed the laminate top and drilled on thin plywood (which they cut to size for me at Home Depot, easy!).
8. Installed beetle kill pine wall.
9. Installed lights.
10. Moved in!

Supplies:

• Broom + dust pan + shop vac
• Lots of trash bags
• Rags + bucket with hot soapy water
• Sand paper + extension pole 
• Paint brushes: rollers, regular ones, and an extension pole for the rollers
• Drill, pliers, metal cutter (to remove shelf hammered into rafters by metal brackets)
• Two gallons concrete & garage floor paint (25% leftover)
• One gallon concrete protector + waterproofer (75% leftover
• Thin plywood panel cut to size (I forget the exact depth)
• Handful of screws for the plywood table-top

Decor/hardware updates:

• Maximus 3-Light Track Lighting
• IKEA LOTS Mirrors
• Metal stool from Marshall's
• Airplant + planter from local shop Etcher's Nursery & Garden
• Beetle Kill Pine Tongue + Groove planks from Home Depot
• Rose Pink Tyley Chair

And that's it! I'm so happy with how it's turned out. Although one day I'd love to have a more airy, light-filled home studio, I love taking what you've got and making the most of it. Whether it's a dark old room in the basement or an empty corner of the living room, I always recommend others have a dedicated space for creative work. It's a game-changer!

Please feel free to comment below with thoughts, questions, ideas!

An action plan for staying ahead of perfectionism.

On a Friday afternoon I packed my Honda Element with everything I needed to eat, sleep, climb, and make art in the desert. A camp kitchen, food, four gallons of water. Climbing shoes, crash pads, sunscreen. Paints, pens, an empty sketchbook.

While rolling on an empty stretch of highway from Colorado to New Mexico, I began recounting my last two trips to this climbing destination, both less than positive experiences. On these trips I became engulfed by feelings of frustration. I developed obsession with certain climbs I couldn't finish. And both times I nearly injured myself from refusing to let. go. of what wasn't working.

And the kicker -- it was all in my head. Aren't we humans so strange sometimes?

I'M HAVING FUN I SWEAR. (From one of those previous trips.)

This isn't just about climbing. I believe how we react in one moment often applies to other areas in our lives. I can be a perfectionist when it comes to climbing, but I can also be a perfectionist when it comes to business. And art. And almost everything.

As I turned onto a nameless dirt road at nearly midnight, I decided this trip would be different. And I didn't just hope for the best -- I made an action plan on how to handle my thoughts and emotions. And I've gotta say, it worked! I finally went to the desert and didn't cry. This is big.

I want to first say, if you identify with perfectionism even a little bit, it's OKAY.

It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay that your emotions get the better of you sometimes. This doesn't make you a bad person; it doesn't make you less. Everyone has their stuff. Okay? Everyone. You are a completely whole, beautiful human who's worthy of all the love and happiness, even if you get competitive and have negative self-talk in your head that won't shut up sometimes.

Played with some watercolor for the first time! Super meditative. 

You're probably either nodding your head and totally relating, or this is all complete gibberish. If you deal with perfectionism (and who doesn't in this highlight-reel digital age?) I hope these steps might help you get ahead of it next time it decides to pay a visit.

1. Set a non-results-based intention before the event. If you get frustrated and down on yourself every time you put a paintbrush to a blank canvas, or if, like me, you easily lose your head to frustrations when you can't accomplish a goal, get ahead of it. BEFORE you go into the situation, prep yourself for what's about to happen, and set an intention for the event. Instead of going in with the goal to paint a specific scene or subject, maybe your goal could be to play with a new style or color simply to see how it feels. Shift your goal from the final product to the process.
2. Ask friends to hold you accountable. Tell a friend what your new intention is for the event. Ask them to be there for you if you need to go for a walk to tak a deep breath or jump on the phone for a quick laugh. Ask her to help remind you of what your clear-minded self wanted out of this experience.
3. Stay emotionally aware throughout. Check in with yourself regularly. You can even set a timer on your phone for every half hour. When it goes off, take note of any potential triggers, take a deep breath, and recenter.
4. Find your triggers and work with them. One of my biggest climbing triggers is when I am still working on a climb that everyone else in my group has completed. In that moment I find it SO easy to get down. When I find myself in that situation, instead of feeling self-conscious or envious, I ask a friend for their help. "What do you think I could do differently?" "Would you be able to watch my footwork here to see if it could improve?" I also set a try-limit for myself. I am going to give this three more tries, and then wrap it up, whether I finish the climb or not. 
5. Walk away. When you find yourself slipping into that state (which might happen sometimes despite all your best intentions), put your hands up and walk away. It's simply not worth it. You can always come back and try again.
6. Try to see the bigger picture and focus on something else. Hardly anything is THAT important that you must be flawless. Put your attention on something totally different. When I'm knee-deep in perfectionism, I have tunnel vision, and once I'm there, I can't get out unless I totally change my focus.

Although this was a very specific example of a situation when I dealt with perfectionism, I see how this approach could work for art, relationships, business, and more. I hope you find some solace and motivation in it, and remember, you are not alone. It will take time and practice (a key point for a perfectionist to remember when attempting to beat perfectionism). ;)

I'd love to hear how you deal with perfectionism. If you have any go-to methods for beating it, please feel free to comment!